Today, we are going to dive into three key questions to ask yourself when you are struggling.

As we’ve covered extensively in the lessons leading up to this one, contrary to our intuitions, our sexual compulsions not to come from an overactive sex drive, but from the deeper place of longing to be loved. 

Dietrich Bonhoeffer famously said, “The pursuit of purity is not about the suppression of lust, but about the reorientation of one’s life to a larger goal.”

When you are struggling or you are wrestling with negative thoughts and feelings that typically lead you to be tempted, the answer then, is not simply to push your sex drive down, but to recognize your true, deeper needs, and address them. In the words of Chip Judd, a longtime Christian counselor, we must learn to R&R—to receive and rest in God’s love. To that end, Chip gives us three key questions to help us “R&R” through these difficult moments. They are as follows. 

1. How do you see God?

The way we see God will often determine whether we run to him in our time of need, or if we turn to other things. If we view Him as distant, disappointed in us, and waiting to get us when we mess up, we will find it nearly impossible to run toward him when we are tempted. However, if we view Him as a loving Father whose heart toward us is good and who understands our weakness, we will find ourselves running to him when we are not feeling very loved. 

2. How do you see yourself?

Make a list of words that come to mind when you think of yourself. Do you see yourself as a failure? A disappointment? Loved by God? Pleasing to God? Dirty? Clean? Weak? Strong? Be as specific as possible, and just be honest. Then ask yourself a follow-up question—do the words you feel about yourself align with how God sees you or are they coming from somewhere else?

3. What do you have to do to please God and get your needs met?

Do you feel you need to do something to please God or do you feel that God is already pleased with you? Counselor Chip Judd likes to say that religion is spelled “DO” while Jesus-centered Christianity is spelled “DONE.” Are you resting in the finished work of Christ and seeing yourself as the object of His love, or do you see yourself as having to earn His affection by your behavior? Oddly enough, trying to behave differently to earn God’s love typically has very little impact on behavior, while learning to receive His love and rest in His affection for you tends to empower you to change.

When you find yourself struggling with the temptation to look at porn or to give into another sinful habit, it helps to get up, flee whatever situation you are in, and pull up these three questions. Answer them honestly and prayerfully, inviting the Holy Spirit to speak to you in the process. These questions will not only help you to understand where the focus of your struggle is—they will also help you shift from trying to push your sexuality down to focusing on what’s really going on in your heart. When you learn to reorient yourself in God’s love rather than just suppress lustful desires, you will begin to experience a big shift in your battle against porn.

Here’s the thing. God isn’t waiting on you to get free in order to love you. He has already chosen to love you unconditionally. He loves you as much on your worst day—the day you feel furthest from Him—as He does on your best day. And He won’t love you any more when you are completely free than He does right now, in this very moment. In fact, the reason He wants you to be free in the first place is simply because He loves you. His heart breaks when you struggle because He loves you, and when you walk in victory, His heart rejoices because He loves you! Either way, He loves you. For many, just breaking out of this mindset that we have to somehow earn God’s love is a critical step toward freedom. Learning to R&R—to receive and rest in God’s love, is an important part of that process. 

Day 20 Freedom Work

Scripture Reading — Read Matthew chapter 3 and John chapter 17. As you read, ask yourself how God sees Jesus and how God sees you. 

Journaling Exercises — Answer the following questions at length in your journal. Use the cues from the lesson above and aim to write for about 5-7 minutes per question:

• How do you see God right now?
• How does God see you right now?
• What do you need to do in order to please God and get your needs met?

Prayer — Father, I don’t want to have any thoughts in my head about me that aren’t in your head about me. Help me to identify thoughts and feelings that are not from you, and help me to replace them with thoughts and feelings that align with your heart. Break any negative patterns of thinking and help me to rest in what you say about me. I so deeply long to be loved and to know that I am pleasing to you. By your Spirit, reveal the depths of your love to me—especially when I am hurting and struggling. Thank you that I do not need to earn your love, but that you give it to me freely and lavishly. Amen.

Imagine a man who goes into the doctor’s office complaining about radiating pain in his back. The pain is being caused by a herniated disc, but the doctor simply prescribes a painkiller to treat the symptom. He sends this man away without addressing the deeper issue that the pain is stemming from. 

Over time, this man needs more and more pain medication in higher doses as the condition worsens—all because the root issue isn’t being dealt with. Eventually, this man recognizes that he has come to depend on his pain medication, realizing that he cannot function without it. He may try to get off of it, knowing that the amounts he’s taking are dangerous for his liver and may have a very detrimental impact to his long term health—but when he tries to get off, the pain is simply too great, and he finds himself unable to stop taking the meds. 

There isn’t much of a difference between being addicted to painkillers and being addicted to sexual sin. While on the surface these may seem miles apart, both are ultimately an attempt to medicate pain. 

Now, it would be easy to say that a man addicted to pain killers just needs to stop—just like it’s easy to tell someone they need to stop looking at porn. It’s true—but it completely ignores the issue that drives the addiction in the first place. It is only when the root cause of the pain is dealt with that one is set up to leave their pain medication behind. 

This is why most attempts to change behavior fail. We must begin to experience a deeper transformation than just changing our unwanted fruit. When we deal with the underlying pain that drives our behavior and begin to experience true healing in our hearts, we will find our unhealthy dependencies on our “pain medication” will begin to lose their power over us. 

What is the pain that drives most compulsive sexual sin like looking at porn? It comes as a surprise to most that it has very little to do with sex, but rather love. Most who struggle with looking at porn are desperately longing to be loved. Unsure how to get their need to be loved met, they latch onto whatever they can find that feels even remotely like love, no matter how much of a fantasy it might be. 

The reason things like porn are so addictive is because we use them to try to meet our legitimate need for love. We become terrified of letting go of it because in many ways it can feel like letting go of the one thing that has caused us to feel love. Even if that love is ultimately a figment of our imagination, it can feel very real in the moment. To some extent, porn gives us the ability to feel loved on demand. When we feel rejected, lonely, unnoticed, and any number of negative things, it allows us to feel a false intimacy. Though this intimacy is false, it still feels better than no intimacy at all. That is why we must not only let go of it, but find something better to replace it with. 

Consider a man lost at sea in a shipwreck. In his desperation to survive, he will always cling to whatever will keep him afloat. The only way he would let go of a piece of the wreckage that is helping keep him alive is if he finds something better to grab onto like a lifeboat.

It’s the same thing with letting go of porn. Porn is the thing that so often has kept us afloat while we feel we are drowning in life. To find the strength and courage to let go of it, we must find something better and more sure to hold onto. 

The love of God is our lifeboat. When we let go of the pieces of wreckage that have been helping us survive and choose to get into the lifeboat, it can carry us safely back to shore. 

This is why getting a revelation of God’s love for you is such a key aspect to breaking free. Until you get a revelation of God’s love for you, walking away from porn will feel like leaving behind your only means of survival. But when you reach out your hand and allow Jesus to pull you into the boat and take you to shore, you will find yourself not just surviving, but coming back to life. 

Day 19 Freedom Work

Scripture Reading — Read Ephesians 1-3, taking careful notes of what it says about how much God loves you.

Journaling Exercises — Answer the following questions at length in your journal. Aim to write for about 5 minutes per question:

• Where do you feel the most unloved in your life? How have you been wounded in the area of love? Be specific here where possible.  
• What would it look like for you if you learned how to get your need for love met in God rather than trying to get it met through people and/or things?
• Take a minute and ask the Holy Spirit to tell you how He feels about you. Remember, God is love, so the voice of God is the very voice of love. Spend some time on this, and write down whatever words come to mind. (This is an important practice to do regularly in your life—so don’t just do it in today’s freedom work, but make a habit of God to reveal His love to you—even in moments when you may not feel lovable.)

Prayer — Father, thank your love for me is unfailing. I often feel covered in darkness and shame, but I thank you that you have never stopped loving me—even when I have turned from you. Help me to learn to run into your loving arms when I fall. I long so deeply to be loved and have often looked for love in the wrong places—leaving my longing unfulfilled. Help me to bring my heart to you instead and learn to rest in your love. Help me to trust that the reason you desire me to leave my sin behind is because you love me and you know how sin destroys me. Thank you that you are the Good Shepherd who pursues me until you find me and bring me home. I can trust a love like that—for you wholeheartedly desire my good. Help me to stop looking for love in the wrong places, and by following your voice, to find my way back home. Amen.

If you’ve read the New Testament, you know that grace is a key element to living the way God calls us to live. Here are just a few key verses to that end:

“For the grace of God has appeared that offers salvation to all people. It teaches us to say “No” to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives in this present age…” (Titus 2:1–11, NIV)

“But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’” (2 Corinthians 12:9, NIV)

“For sin will have no dominion over you, since you are not under law but under grace.” (Romans 6:14, ESV)

“You then, my son, be strong in the grace that is in Christ Jesus.” (2 Timothy 2:1 NIV)

Grace is clearly connected to living the life God has called us to live. On one hand, we are clearly saved by grace. Passages Like Ephesians 2 make this absolutely clear. But passages like the ones you’ve just read above seem to point to the reality that grace is not just God’s forgiveness. It’s His empowerment. It’s an impartation of His divine ability to us that allows us to do what we cannot do in our own strength. It’s His power at work in us. 

The question that naturally follows is this. If grace is God’s power at work in our lives, how does it work? How do we tap into it?

2 Peter 1 gives us some profound insight into this. In this passage, we read:

“May grace and peace be multiplied to you in the knowledge of God and of Jesus our Lord. His divine power has granted to us all things that pertain to life and godliness, through the knowledge of him who called us to his own glory and excellence, by which he has granted to us his precious and very great promises, so that through them you may become partakers of the divine nature, having escaped from the corruption that is in the world because of sinful desire. For this very reason, make every effort to supplement your faith with virtue, and virtue with knowledge, and knowledge with self-control, and self-control with steadfastness, and steadfastness with godliness, and godliness with brotherly affection, and brotherly affection with love. For if these qualities are yours and are increasing, they keep you from being ineffective or unfruitful in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. For whoever lacks these qualities is so nearsighted that he is blind, having forgotten that he was cleansed from his former sins.” (2 Peter 1:2–9, ESV)

In this passage, we see from the get go that grace is God’s divine power and that God has made us partakers of His divine nature. After telling us this, Peter goes on to tell us that “for this reason” we are to make every effort to supplement our faith with a laundry list of qualities that mark our maturity and growth as followers of Christ. But then he makes a shocking statement. He says:

“For whoever lacks these qualities is so nearsighted that he is blind, having forgotten that he was cleansed from his former sins.” (2 Peter 1:9, ESV)

There’s something so powerful here if we can just catch it. According to Peter, the reason people fail to grow in godliness is because they have forgotten they’ve been cleansed from their sins. Or in other words, they’ve forgotten grace. 

Now Peter is clearly not opposed to effort. Toward the beginning of this passage, he urges us to “make every effort.” Effort is a critical component of living a godly life—we don’t just stumble into living the way God calls us to. It involves a large amount of intentionality. But Peter also gives us the source of our problem if we find that our efforts are not working. He says it’s because we’ve forgotten grace—forgotten that we are washed and clean. 

Here’s the key idea you should walk away from today with. The motivation behind your effort matters. We don’t strive for godliness in order to earn our acceptance and forgiveness from God. We strive for godliness because God has already forgiven us and made us clean. When we get a revelation that no matter what we’ve done and no matter how many times we’ve fallen short, God in His mercy and grace has cleansed us from our sin and made us clean, it does not motivate us to go live in sin. It spurs us on to live godly lives. 

If you are struggling to live clean, it may just come down to this one thing — are you taking time to remember what Christ has done for you, the forgiveness that He has so graciously given you, and are you letting that be the motivation for your effort. 

As the Christian philosopher Dallas Willard reminds us, “Grace is not opposed to effort. It is opposed to earning.”

You can’t earn God’s grace. It is a free gift. But when we’ve rightly understood how beautiful the grace that God has given us is, we will not only make every effort to live a godly life—we will tap into the power to do it. 

Day 18 Freedom Work

Scripture Reading — Read 2 Peter 1 several times slowly, especially verses 1–15. Take your time and do not rush through it. 

Journaling Exercises — Answer the following questions at length in your journal. Aim to write for about 5 minutes per question:

• Do you see yourself as washed and cleansed from your sins, or as dirty and shameful? Be completely honest here. 
• What reason does this passage give for why people struggle to live godly lives? Could this be the reason you struggle at times?
• Despite how you may feel at times, write down a prayer thanking God for washing you from your sin and for forgiving the wrongs you have committed. Do this even if it is a struggle for you. Then pray it out loud and ask God to help you believe He could be this good to you. 

Prayer — Father, thank you that you love me as much on my worst day as you do on my best day. Thank you that there is absolutely nothing that I can do to earn your love or to earn grace. Thank you that while I was yet a sinner, Christ died for me. Though I may struggle at times, help me to live with an awareness of your grace, resting in the knowledge that you have forgiven all of my sins. Help me to know that I am clean, and let the truth of what you say about me dispel any lies the enemy throws my way. Amen. 

In yesterday’s lesson, we explored how getting a revelation of God’s kindness and goodness toward you is what enables you to experience the deep change of repentance. In today’s lesson, we are going to tackle another key aspect of living free—learning to tune out the wrong voices and tune into God’s voice instead. 

Anyone who has struggled with a stubborn sin—perhaps especially sins of a sexual nature—is quite familiar with the voices of shame, accusation, and condemnation. What many don’t realize is how these voices are at work in their lives to keep them stuck in a cycle of defeat. You will stay stuck to the extent that these voices are given influence in your life—so learning to identify them, reject them, and instead, stand in the truth and revelation of what God says about you is critical to the journey toward living free. 

In the 8th chapter of John, we have a vivid example of the voices that compete over our lives. Beginning in verse one, we read:

Jesus returned to the Mount of Olives, but early the next morning he was back again at the Temple. A crowd soon gathered, and he sat down and taught them. As he was speaking, the teachers of religious law and the Pharisees brought a woman who had been caught in the act of adultery. They put her in front of the crowd.

“Teacher,” they said to Jesus, “this woman was caught in the act of adultery. The law of Moses says to stone her. What do you say?”

They were trying to trap him into saying something they could use against him, but Jesus stooped down and wrote in the dust with his finger. They kept demanding an answer, so he stood up again and said, “All right, but let the one who has never sinned throw the first stone!” Then he stooped down again and wrote in the dust.

When the accusers heard this, they slipped away one by one, beginning with the oldest, until only Jesus was left in the middle of the crowd with the woman. Then Jesus stood up again and said to the woman, “Where are your accusers? Didn’t even one of them condemn you?”

“No, Lord,” she said.

And Jesus said, “Neither do I. Go and sin no more.” (John 8:1–11 NLT)

When you mess up and fall into sin, the voices of accusation and condemnation scream loudly over you—but Jesus speaks a better word. He sends your accusers away, speaks life over you, and invites you to leave broken ways of living behind. 

Most of us are familiar with the story above—but do you know what the very next verse is? In John 8:12, we read:

Jesus spoke to the people once more and said, “I am the light of the world. If you follow me, you won’t have to walk in darkness, because you will have the light that leads to life.” (John 8:12 NLT)

Light is what makes seeing possible. If Jesus is the light of the world, that means that He is the one who makes it possible for us to see things as they are. When you choose to see things through Jesus, you see that you are loved, you are forgiven, and you are rescued from the voices of accusation and condemnation. Those voices seek to define you by what you have done rather than who Jesus says you are. 

When we follow Jesus and allow His words to light the path before us, we are set free from the bondage of darkness. Even better, we discover that He is the light that leads us to life. The life we’ve been so desperately searching for in all the wrong places, we finally find in Him, and when we taste it, we’ll know what it is to come fully alive. 

Day 17 Freedom Work

Scripture Reading — Read John 8 and Romans 8, being careful to note the differences between where the voices of condemnation come from, and what God says about you.

Journaling Exercises — Answer the following questions at length in your journal. Aim to write for about 5 minutes per question:

• What accusations do you feel when you give into temptation? Be as specific as possible here. 
• Do you feel like God condemns you when you fall into sin? Did you get that idea from God, or did it come from the enemy?
• If you got it deep in your heart that God does not condemn you and that He actually sends your accusers away, how would it make you feel? Would it make you want to sin more or less?
• Take a minute and ask the Holy Spirit to reveal what is in God’s heart toward you when He tells us “Go and sin no more.” Write down what you hear Him say. 

Prayer — Father, thank you that though my accusers are many, that you do not condemn me. I can feel so beat up and beat down by the voices of shame, accusation, and condemnation. Sometimes, I have wrongly assigned these voices to you—but I pray that you help me to identify these voices as coming from the enemy who seeks to destroy me. Help me to tune them out and tune into the words you say over me—that I am loved, forgiven, and free. Thank you that even when I fall, you are not a God who is waiting to kick me when I am down, but who stoops down and lifts me out of my brokenness. Thank you that you love me where I am, but because you love me, you never leave me where I am. Send away the accusing voices in my life, and help me to see myself through your love so I can walk in the light that leads to life. Amen.

Today, we are going to address the subject of your core beliefs. As Christians, when we hear the word beliefs, we often associate it with doctrine or theology, but that is not what we are talking about here. In this lesson, when you see the word belief, we are not addressing anything academic. We are going much deeper than that to the beliefs we hold in our hearts about God and reality. 

Most of us live completely unaware of the core beliefs that drive our lives. 

As an example, as Christians we all know that we are called to be generous. We can easily quote Bible verses about giving. But at the end of the day, many are still driven by greed and struggle to live a generous life. Why? It comes down to their core beliefs, which often operate undetected in the depths of our souls. The person who struggles to be generous has certain core beliefs about money that they would rarely verbalize—especially in church. Some of these might be:

• I can’t trust God to come through for me, so I have to come through for myself
• Money is my source of security and safety
• I can’t fully trust God to provide for me, so I need a backup plan
• Giving more will make me less happy because I won’t be able to get what I want

Like previously mentioned, we would rarely verbalize beliefs like this—but our lives are the true evidence of what we believe. Unless we address the destructive core beliefs and replace them with truth from God’s Word, they will continue to wreak havoc in our lives and hold us in bondage. 

The same is true for our struggles in the area of sexuality. This is not a comprehensive list, but will help you to identify some of the beliefs that may be operating underneath the surface in your own life, keeping you stuck in a cycle of sexual sin. Some of these are:

• I cannot be happy or fulfilled in life without sex/porn
• Sex is the ultimate source of pleasure in life
• I cannot trust God to give me an exciting sex life
• God requires me to choose between obeying him and happiness

It is only when we begin to identify these core lies that operate in the shadows that we can replace them with the truth. Repentance, while having an impact on our behavior, starts with us changing our minds. The greek word for repentance, metanoia, essentially means a change in the mind that results in a change in the life. At its core, it begins by seeing differently. It comes from a deep internal shift that results in an external shift. This is why simply trying to change your behavior does not work. Your behavior is a fruit of something far more deeply rooted, and unless you are willing to go deep and get to the source of the problem, the problem will come back no matter how hard you try to pick the bad fruit off the tree.

A.W. Tozer once said, “A low view of God is the cause of a hundred lesser evils. A high view of God is the solution to ten thousand temporal problems.” True repentance begins with seeing God differently. When we get a better view of God in our own hearts, we will see this play out in our lives. In Romans 2, Paul makes this profound statement:

“Are you [actually] unaware or ignorant [of the fact] that God’s kindness leads you to repentance [that is, to change your inner self, your old way of thinking—seek His purpose for your life]?” (Romans 2:4, Amplified)

Why is God’s kindness the foundation for repentance? It comes down to our core beliefs about Him. Our behavior flows not from our academic assertions about God, but from what we truly believe about Him in the core of our beings. If we view God as withholding and unreliable, we will take matters into our own hands. But if we view Him as good and worthy of our trust, as one who fully desires what is best for us—that will play out in our behavior. The way we choose to live is the truest reflection of what we really believe about God. Said differently, if you want to know what you really believe, look no further than the actions you choose. 

Seeing God as a loving Father who desires our good is the key to living differently. If God is truly good, then He can be trusted, and it is trust that ultimately leads to obedience. When we exchange false ideas of God for the truth, we will finally find ourselves able to repent—for indeed, that is exactly what repentance is—a change in the way we think that produces a change in the way we live. 

Day 16 Freedom Work

Scripture Reading — Read Romans 1-2, taking notes of what causes people to live in sin, and what leads them to repentance. 

Journaling Exercises — Answer the following questions at length in your journal. Aim to write for about 5-7 minutes per question:

• What core beliefs listed above do you identify with? What are some other core beliefs that you can think of that may be keeping you stuck?
• What do you really believe is true about God’s heart toward you? How does this play out in your life and in the choices you make? 
• If you truly and fully believed that God’s heart toward you was good and that He could be trusted, what impact would that have in the way you choose to live?

Prayer — Father, I don’t want to walk in deception or under the influence of lies. Help me to trust that your heart toward me is good, and expose anything in my heart that I’ve believed to the contrary that is keeping me in bondage. Reveal your kindness and your love to me in profound ways, and help me to live in a deep revelation of your goodness toward me. Help me to know your love which surpasses knowledge, not just in my mind—but deep in my heart. I don’t want to just read about your love. I want to know you intimately. Help me to encounter your love in deeply transformational ways that lead me into true repentance. Amen.

Today, let’s address a pivotal question most people have as they are struggling to get free, and it’s simply this. Why is it taking so long?

Often, as Christians, it can be easy to fall prey to the idea that freedom is something that happens to us. We commonly use phrases like “I just need God to set me free” or other language along those same lines—but there is a problem with this kind of thinking. It assumes that we are waiting on God to do something that He seems unwilling to do. Do we really believe that God is the one withholding freedom from us? If that is the case, is God then responsible for our continued sin?

This is certainly not true!

In fact, when Paul writes in the book of Romans about being set free from sin, he does not point to a thing God will do for us in the future. He speaks of freedom as something that has already been accomplished by Christ on our behalf. 

In chapter 6, he writes:

“We know that our old sinful selves were crucified with Christ so that sin might lose its power in our lives. We are no longer slaves to sin. For when we died with Christ we were set free from the power of sin. And since we died with Christ, we know we will also live with him.” (Romans 6:6–8, ESV)

When you received Jesus as Lord and put your faith in Him, you were united with Him in His death, your old sinful nature was crucified with Him, and you were raised from the dead into newness of life. He has already set you free. 

We see another truth in 2 Peter chapter 1 that takes this idea even farther:

“May God give you more and more grace and peace as you grow in your knowledge of God and Jesus our Lord. By his divine power, God has given us everything we need for living a godly life. We have received all of this by coming to know him, the one who called us to himself by means of his marvelous glory and excellence. And because of his glory and excellence, he has given us great and precious promises. These are the promises that enable you to share his divine nature and escape the world’s corruption caused by human desires.” (2 Peter 1:2–4, NLT, emphasis added)

In other words, it’s time to stop acting like you are waiting on God to set you free and give you what you need to live differently. That won’t get you anywhere fast. Why? Because He already has. The prison cell is unlocked. Now it’s time to do your part and walk out of it.  

Freedom from sin is not something God does for you as you sit passively by. It requires your participation. Think of it like a check. God has written it, signed it, and given it to you—but it does no good for you unless you take it to the bank and cash it or deposit it. It takes an act of your will—of your surrender—in order to partake in the benefits of what Christ has accomplished on your behalf. At the end of the day, God has set you free. He’s equipped you with grace, which is His divine power. Now, the choice is up to you as to whether or not you will choose to live in that freedom. 

Day 15 Freedom Work

Scripture Reading — Read Galatians 5–6 and 2 Peter 1, taking careful notes about how God equips us to live free.

Journaling Exercises — Answer the following questions at length in your journal. Aim to write for about 5-7 minutes per question:

• Have you seen getting set free as something you are waiting on God to do for you, or as something that He has already done? What role does God give you in the journey of walking in freedom?
• What does 2 Peter 1 have to say about how God equips us to overcome sin? What has He already given to us through Christ that enables us to live free?
• If God has already set you free, what is required from you in order to step into that freedom? Have you taken responsibility to do your part and to participate with God in your freedom, or have you placed all of the responsibility on God? How would you pray differently if you saw freedom as something that is no longer something you are waiting on God to do for you, but with you?

Prayer — Father, I thank you that because of what Jesus accomplished on the cross, I am no longer a slave to sin. Thank you that when I received Jesus as my Lord and Savior, I was set free from the power of sin. Help me to understand what I need to do in order to step into that freedom. I realize that I have a role to play. Help me to learn what it means to walk by the Spirit so I do not gratify the desires of the sinful nature, but instead, live according to the new nature you have given me—the very nature of Christ. Amen.

In the thirteenth century, Saint Thomas Aquinas famously noted, “Every sinful behavior is rooted in a legitimate god-given appetite.” A bold claim, but how could that possibly be true when our sinful desires seem so contrary to God’s will? Today, we seek to find the answer to that question. To get there, we need to look past unwanted sinful behavior and examine the needs and wants that propel us forward, often without our even knowing it. 

Most Christians who struggle with pornography feel they have a problem with their sexual desire—and that they must therefore crush that desire or somehow hold it down and manage it the best they can. In some sense, it often comes as a relief to realize that struggles with pornography typically do not stem from having too strong a desire for sex, but instead, in the sexualization of deeper desires of the heart that are not overtly sexual. This is important because if we think our problem is sexual, we will try to bring a sexual solution to the table. But if we realize that our problem is that we are trying to use sex to meet deeper longings, we will be one step closer to bringing the root of our struggle into the light and exposing it. 

In his groundbreaking book, “Surfing For God: Discovering the Divine Desire Beneath the Sexual Struggle,” author and counselor Michael John Cusick lays out seven god-given desires that we try to meet through porn and other forms of compulsive sexual behavior. He does not offer this as a comprehensive list, but rather as a helpful tool to get you started in the direction of identifying the god-given desires that can be the driving force behind your struggles. Some of these desires are:

• Attention — the longing to be noticed and liked
• Affection — the longing to be enjoyed and delighted in
• Affirmation — the longing for the validation and blessing of others
• Acceptance — the longing to belong and to be desired
• Satisfaction — the longing for a sense of fullness and well-being
• Significance — the longing to matter and to be powerful
• Security — the longing to know your needs will be cared for and met

There are of course more desires that we could list, and you’ll have the chance to do just that later in today’s freedom work—but there is something here you need to notice. Take a good look at that list. Now ask yourself—is it sinful to want and desire any of those things? Each of these longings is simply a different way that we experience being loved. Who put those desires in your heart? Did they come from God or the enemy?

When you realize that the core desire and need is not the problem—but the way you go about meeting those desires and needs, it can be a turning point in your battle for freedom. For each one of the appetites on the above list, there are plenty of healthy ways to get those needs met through your relationship with God and the people He’s placed in your life. The problems begin when we become convinced that we know better than God does how best to pursue getting our needs and desires met. This leads us to take matters into our own hands. At this point, our behaviors can quickly become compulsive and destructive. 

The apostle James does not mince words addressing this. 

“Each person is tempted when he is lured and enticed by his own desire. Then desire when it has conceived gives birth to sin, and sin when it is fully grown brings forth death.” (James 1:14–15 ESV)

You don’t need to kill the desires of your heart. You need to learn what they are and then learn healthy ways to pursue getting your desires fulfilled—through God and the people he’s placed in your life. Yes, this will definitely involve disconnecting your desire from the sins you’ve come to depend on and even love in some ways—but this is not a killing of desire, but a rescuing of it. 

Do you know the desires that lie beneath your struggles with porn or other compulsive sin? Discovering these desires can be half the battle in getting free. Naming these core desires and then redirecting them toward something healthy is a major step in your journey toward freedom and a key aspect of learning to fill your life with the right things. Remember, freedom isn’t just about what you remove from your life, but about what you put in. When you begin learning to get the core longings of your heart met in healthy, god-ordained ways, you will find yourself well on the way to a more free, more fulfilling life.

Day 14 Freedom Work

Scripture Reading — Read John 5-7, taking careful notes about what they say about desires and the longings/thirsts of your heart. 

Journaling Exercises — Answer the following questions at length in your journal. Aim to write for about 5-7 minutes per question:

• From the list of core longings outlined above in this lesson, which three do you connect with the most? How have you tried to get these desires met through porn? Has it worked?
• What are one or two other core longings not on the above list that you feel drive your struggle with porn or other sins? Are these desires good or bad? Is the way you’ve tried to get these desires fulfilled good or bad?
• It may be difficult to remember, but as best you can, try to come up with a few instances in your life where you felt you were able to get your core longings met in healthy ways. Whether you can think of many examples or only a few, what are some ways you can be more intentional about getting these needs met in healthy ways going forward rather than relying on porn which leaves you empty and broken? (If you have a hard time coming up with answers here, this would be a good question to process through with a trusted friend/ally.)

Prayer — Father, I thank you that you have filled my heart with legitimate appetites for good things. I have taken these longings and pursued them in many ways that have been contrary to your Word and your ways—and for that, I repent. I see that after all of my attempts to get my needs met with porn, I am still thirsty. I long for something more that truly satisfies. Thank you that I do not have to kill my desires—but to simply bring them to you. Show me how to drink deeply of your Spirit. I want to drink the living water you offer rather than keep trying to draw water from wells that do not satisfy. Amen.

There is an old parable of a man who walks down a road and falls into a pit. The next day, he walks down the same road and falls into the same pit again. Frustrated, he tells himself that this time, he will be more careful. As he walks down the road again and approaches the pit, he slows his pace and walks more carefully. Now the road is narrow and the pit is wide, so as he goes by the pit, he hugs the building on the side. Nevertheless, some ground on the edge of the pit gives way, and to his great frustration, he falls in again. The next day, banged up and bruised from falling so many times, he is even more careful as he walks by the pit, and with great trepidation, he manages to walk past the pit without falling in. The next day, he decides that he will simply take a different road—and he makes it to his destination unscathed. 

If you are tired of falling, it’s time to stop trying to navigate around the pit, and instead, take a different road entirely. 

This is a key principle in your journey toward a free life. 

To walk in freedom, you need new thinking that is in line with the truth of God’s Word and not the lies of the enemy that keep us in bondage. That is a critical aspect of your journey to freedom—and recognize that it is a journey. It will not happen overnight. 

In the meantime, as your mind is being renewed and as you are learning to bring each and every thought into obedience to Christ, it’s very important that you set up the proper boundaries in your life. 

The Bible warns us,

 “Do not set foot on the path of the wicked or walk in the way of evildoers. Avoid it, do not travel on it; turn from it and go on your way” (Proverbs 4:14–15 NIV)

If you want to walk free from sin, you need to stay off the road that leads to it. Only you know your specific triggers—the things that spiral you down a dark road. It’s time to get honest about these things and cut them out of your life. 

For many of you, this will mean deleting certain apps from your phone, or even taking the Internet off your phone completely for a season. Many people also find it helpful to restrict their ability to install apps on their phone by making this a password-protected action, controlled by a good friend who will be an ally in their journey to freedom. It’s also helpful to install accountability software on all of your computers and devices so you can bring all of your screen activity into the light. For more on this, please reference the Porn Proof guide and take all recommended steps to protect yourself. 

The main thing I want you to take away is this: while you are renewing your mind, and even after, it’s prudent to take the appropriate actions to stay away from temptation. Scripture is clear that we are to flee sexual immorality—not see how close we can get to the line without crossing it. If you want to get free, you have to stop flirting with evil and start running from it.

Day 13 Freedom Work

Scripture Reading — Read Proverbs chapters 7 and 8 slowly and carefully, taking note of things the Holy Spirit highlights to you. 

Journaling Exercises — Answer the following questions at length in your journal. Aim to write for about 5-7 minutes per question:

• What open doors to temptation do you still have in your life? If you are able to identify some, why have you kept these open? 
• What steps do you need to take to fully cut off your access to porn? If there are some steps you need to take, why have you not taken them up until now? 
• What actions would a fool take in your situation? What actions would a wise person take?

Prayer — Father, I am tired of falling into the pit. I ask that you reveal to me the areas of my life where I am continuing to live like a fool, and by your Spirit, lead me into wisdom. Show me how to truly flee from sexual immorality and how to not overestimate my own strength. I recognize that this is an area of my life where I cannot get free on my own, and I need help from you and others, as well as helpful boundaries. Teach me to steward my sexuality as one who is wise rather than to squander it as one who is foolish. You have given me sexuality as a gift, and I want to honor it as both sacred and holy. Show me how to do that. Amen.

One of the biggest struggles people face when wrestling with habitual sinful behavior is living in a cycle of defeat and failure. Today, we are going to address how you can break this for good. Are you ready to learn how to break free from shame and condemnation? If you are, let’s dive in!

In the 15th chapter of Luke’s gospel, we find the familiar parable of the prodigal son. But as familiar as this story may be to you, let’s try our best to look at it with fresh eyes. 

The story reads as follows:

“And he said, “There was a man who had two sons. And the younger of them said to his father, ‘Father, give me the share of property that is coming to me.’ And he divided his property between them. Not many days later, the younger son gathered all he had and took a journey into a far country, and there he squandered his property in reckless living. And when he had spent everything, a severe famine arose in that country, and he began to be in need. So he went and hired himself out to[a] one of the citizens of that country, who sent him into his fields to feed pigs. And he was longing to be fed with the pods that the pigs ate, and no one gave him anything.

“But when he came to himself, he said, ‘How many of my father’s hired servants have more than enough bread, but I perish here with hunger! I will arise and go to my father, and I will say to him, “Father, I have sinned against heaven and before you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son. Treat me as one of your hired servants.”’ And he arose and came to his father. But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and felt compassion, and ran and embraced him and kissed him. And the son said to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against heaven and before you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son.’ But the father said to his servants, ‘Bring quickly the best robe, and put it on him, and put a ring on his hand, and shoes on his feet. And bring the fattened calf and kill it, and let us eat and celebrate. For this my son was dead, and is alive again; he was lost, and is found.’ And they began to celebrate.

“Now his older son was in the field, and as he came and drew near to the house, he heard music and dancing. And he called one of the servants and asked what these things meant. And he said to him, ‘Your brother has come, and your father has killed the fattened calf, because he has received him back safe and sound.’ But he was angry and refused to go in. His father came out and entreated him, but he answered his father, ‘Look, these many years I have served you, and I never disobeyed your command, yet you never gave me a young goat, that I might celebrate with my friends. But when this son of yours came, who has devoured your property with prostitutes, you killed the fattened calf for him!’ And he said to him, ‘Son, you are always with me, and all that is mine is yours. It was fitting to celebrate and be glad, for this your brother was dead, and is alive; he was lost, and is found.’” (Luke 15:11-32, ESV)

If you’ve been stuck in porn or another sinful behavior for any length of time, you are familiar with the pigsty that it leaves you in. Porn is a thief and a liar. It promises fulfillment, feelings of being loved, and satisfaction, but it doesn’t give you these things. Instead, it leaves you empty and starving, covered in shame, and feeling like you’ve messed up so badly that you can’t go back home. This is where the enemy has a hay day with us. He covers us with shame and whispers accusations of worthlessness and condemnation over us. He tells us lies about the true nature of our Father—that He cannot be trusted to be good to us, that we cannot trust Him to be merciful and loving, and that we must stay at a distance or face our Father’s wrath. 

While there are many potential takeaways from this story, the goal of today’s lesson is simple. If you have wandered away from home, lived in sinful behavior, and you find yourself starving in a pigsty, it’s time to come to cast these lies aside, come to your senses like the prodigal and come home. You may be afraid, but when you decide to take the journey home, you will not find a wrathful, angry father who shames you for your wrong choices. 

Rather, when you repent and turn toward home, you will find a loving, forgiving father who runs out to meet you while you are still on the road. You will find a father who kisses you. Rather than cover you with shame, He will get you washed up, put a new robe on you, and place a ring on your finger. He’ll even throw a party to celebrate your return. Feelings of shame and condemnation will melt away in His embrace. At once, you will realize that your Father is better than you could possibly have imagined—and in the revelation of His love, you will begin to find healing and restoration. You will realize that though you left home searching for love and life in all the wrong places, you have finally found those things by coming back on the very road you left on.

So what should you do if you fall back into your struggle? It’s simple. Every single time you fall into temptation, get up quickly, and run into the embrace of your Heavenly Father. The writer of Hebrews says it this way,

“So let us come boldly to the throne of our gracious God. There we will receive his mercy, and we will find grace to help us when we need it most.” (Hebrews 4:16, NLT)

Our Father is not waiting to smash us with a hammer when we mess up. Rather, He is grieved that we have chosen to walk away from life, and He is longing for us to return to Him. He knows how sin will destroy us—which is why it grieves His heart when we choose to sin—but He also knows how His love will restore us. Every time we return home, we are reminded that our failures do not have the final word over us—but that God’s love does. Despite our wanderings, failings, and outright rebellion at times, time and again, we will find our Father to be full of mercy, grace, and love. We need only to leave the pigsty and begin the journey back home, and before we are even there, we will find our Father running to meet us. We need not stay far off in fear. We must come home in faith that our Father truly is good, and that He will at once receive us and lead us back into the life He created us for!

Day 12 Freedom Work

Scripture Reading — Read Luke 15 and Hebrew 4 slowly and carefully, taking note of why we run to God in our time of need, and what God’s heart is toward us.

Journaling Exercises — Answer the following questions at length in your journal. Aim to write for about 5-7 minutes per question:

• Why did the prodigal son choose to starve in a pigsty rather than go back to his father? What wrong view of his father kept him from repenting and returning home? 
• If we view God as a temperamental, angry father, what effect does that have on our ability to trust him? Does this cause us to hide from him or to run to him? Why?
• If we view God as a loving father who is grieved when we sin because it hurts us and others, and is longing to lavish His restorative love on us, how would it cause us to respond differently when we sin? Would we remain hiding in fear or would we run into his arms as quickly as possible? How would this play out in your own life?

Prayer — Father, if I’m honest, there are times when I struggle to see you as loving and restorative, and it keeps me from running back into your loving arms. Under the weight of my own sin, my vision of you gets twisted, and I feel you are out to get me—even though this is not the truth. I thank you that you are love. You hate my sin simply because you love me and you cannot stand to watch me go down paths that are destructive and harmful of both myself and others. Help me to see you not as an angry father who is waiting to punish me when I mess up, but as a loving father who is longing to restore me through his relentless love. Reveal to me by your Spirit the lies I’ve believed about you that have caused me to be afraid of you rather than run to you in my time of need. May I be quick to return home should I find myself wandering, and may I find rest in your loving arms. Amen.

Today, we are going to explore the work of one of the more renowned Christian philosophers of the modern era—Dallas Willard. Later in his life, he spoke extensively to the subject of pornography, and the vivid example it provides us of how spiritual formation must play out in our lives if we are to be free.

Rather than try to recap his thoughts on this subject, we will simply direct you to take between 7–10 minutes and read his article titled “Beyond Pornography” here. We think this will prove immensely valuable to you in your journey toward freedom. For many, this may be one of the most important readings in this entire Freedom Experience. 

Only once you are done reading Willard’s Article and taking careful notes on it should you proceed to today’s freedom work below (without reading it fully and carefully, the questions below will not make sense). It may also prove useful to bookmark that link for future reference.

Day 11 Freedom Work

Scripture Reading — Read James Chapter 1 slowly and carefully, taking note of the journey we must take in order to sin—and the way out. 

Journaling Exercises — Answer the following questions at length in your journal. Aim to write for about 5-7 minutes per question:

• Where has your vision of God, reality, and sexuality been in disagreement with God? How has this led you to a worldview that serves sexuality and the fulfillment of desire rather than God?
• How have you used your will in service of pursuing sexual gratification in sinful ways rather than submitting your will to God and His desires for you?
• Regarding the means of living out a different vision and intention, in what ways must you live with more openness to others and resolute avoidance of pornography? What practical actions would someone in your situation take if they were truly looking to be free, not just in words, but in deed?

Prayer — Father, I have had a vision of reality that is bent toward serving my own desires and my own vision of goodness. By your Spirit, reveal to me where I have walked in deception and reveal truth. I see that I am stuck in the areas of my life where I disagree with you, and that has only led me to death. I want to see things the way You see things. I surrender my will to yours, and I ask that you help to live according to your Spirit that you have placed within me rather than giving my will over to the desires of the flesh. I repent of thinking that my vision for my life is better than yours, and for calling sinful things good and justifying my pursuit of them. I stand on your word that says every good and perfect gift is from you—and I ask that you help me to get this truth firmly into the deepest places of my heart. Help me to trust you to lead me into goodness, and help me to stay away from any deception that would lead me elsewhere. Amen.