Many people who struggle with stubborn sins believe they wouldn’t struggle if their circumstances were only different. They might reason that they struggle with porn because their sex drive is just too strong, or perhaps that their spouse is just not meeting their sexual needs—and so they turn to porn to “fill the gap.” If they are single, they might think that they struggle with porn simply because they do not have a spouse. Perhaps if God would provide them with an attractive and sexually willing spouse, rather than continually failing them in this area, they would not have to resort to porn as an outlet for their sexuality.
All of these ways of thinking have one thing in common. They represent a victim mentality. And a victim’s problems are always external to one’s self. Now of course, if one’s problems are outside of one’s self, they are simply a product of their unfortunate circumstances, meaning there is little they can do to fix the problem. For most part, one does not get to control their circumstances and what happens to them in life.
And here’s the thing about victims—as long as they remain victims, they will not change. In order to change, you have to take responsibility for your life and your choices, and realize that you have the power to affect the outcome. You have to recognize that, though you may have had tough circumstances at times, you always have choices to make, good or bad, healthy or unhealthy—and nobody can take that power away from you. Nobody.
There is a story in the book of Acts where Paul and Silas are beaten and thrown into prison for preaching the gospel. While in prison, despite horrific circumstances, they worship God and are filled with joy and peace. Why bring this story up now? Simple. Paul and Silas easily could have reasoned that God had failed them. They were in immense physical pain and had been wrongly treated in profoundly unjust ways. But rather than become victims of their bad circumstances, they chose to praise God in the midst of the difficulties they were facing. Even while in a physical prison, they were completely free.
They had a joy and a peace that was dependent on something so much deeper than their circumstances. No matter what you’ve been through, your circumstances do not have the power to control you.
If your freedom is dependent on your circumstances changing, then you are not free. You are simply a slave of your circumstances. But if your freedom comes from a deeper place—a place of being convinced that no matter what you go through, God is good, He can be trusted, and He is worthy of praise in the good and the bad—then you can be truly free.
Day 10 Freedom Work
Scripture Reading — Read Acts 16 and Philippians 4, taking notes on how the Spirit of God empowers us to be free even when our circumstances are far from ideal.
Journaling Exercises — Answer the following questions at length in your journal. Aim to write for about 5-7 minutes per question:
- What excuses have you made to justify your struggles?
- Have you been a victim of your circumstances or have you taken full responsibility for your choices, realizing you always have a choice?
- If you have blamed circumstances, the past, or anything else for your struggles, what would it look like to move on from that and take responsibility for yourself and your choices moving forward?
Prayer Holy Spirit, I want a freedom that is so much deeper than just a change of circumstances. Whatever situation I find myself in, I want to be able to find contentment and a reason to praise you, rather than to run back into familiar sin. I recognize that at times, I have blamed others and blamed my circumstances for my struggles. I see now that no matter what has happened to me and no matter where I find myself, I am always responsible for the choices I make—whether for good or for ill. Thank you for redeeming me, giving me a new heart, putting your nature in me, and filling me with your Spirit. You have given me everything I need to live a godly life. Help me to walk by the Spirit so I will no longer gratify the desires of the sinful nature—which you put to death on the cross. Amen.
Every time you have a sexual climax, whether real or through fantasy, your body releases a flood of neurotransmitters and hormones meant to reinforce the pleasurable behavior so you will repeat it in the future. Though these are naturally produced, they are highly addictive. Some of these are:
Dopamine — often referred to as “the pleasure” hormone. Dopamine is highly addictive, as your body creates a strong association with whatever you were doing when it was released, creating a neural pathway that increases your propensity to repeat that behavior.
Oxytocin — this hormone is associated with a feeling of closeness, and while meant to form a strong bond between husband and wife, can just as easily bond you to an image on a screen. Oxytocin also counteracts cortisol, one of the main stress hormones—which is a reason people are more susceptible to temptation when under stress.
Serotonin — helps regulate mood, strongly associated with feelings of peace, hopefulness, and happiness. It also helps counteract feelings of depression and hopelessness, common among those using porn.
Endorphins — help to reduce feelings of pain and enhance feelings of pleasure within the body, also have an effect on anxiety levels, body composition, alleviating stress, and regulating appetite
This quartet of dopamine, oxytocin, serotonin, and endorphins are what are commonly referred to as the “happiness hormones” as they are strongly correlated with one’s overall sense of satisfaction and well-being. There is a great deal of research that shows that as these hormone levels go down, depression becomes more and more common, and that as these hormone levels increase, depression tends to be alleviated.
Is it any wonder we turn to our addictive tendencies when we are feeling low? Our addictions are essentially the shortcuts we have learned to getting our needs for these “happiness hormones” met. But there is a catch, and you already know what it is. The relief our addictions provide is only temporary. Eventually, even after experiencing the temporary high that comes with giving into temptation, we are left wallowing in shame and are worse off than we were before.
To become a person who is healthy and no longer needs to look at porn, we must find other, healthy ways to get our needs met. Thankfully, we are not left without options. This is not a comprehensive list, but it is a start in the right direction:
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- Make exercise a priority. Consistent exercise is shown to increase all of these hormones in your body over time. Even a quick set of squats or pushups can give you a little high that helps you in a moment of temptation.
- Make adjustments to your diet. Certain foods have been shown to have a positive effect on dopamine levels, notably, healthy fats, lean proteins, and many fruits.
- Pursue real friendship with others. Addiction (and depression) thrive in isolation. Research shows that genuine connection with others, even in a non-romantic nature, increases serotonin and oxytocin levels. Research also shows that as social interaction goes up, porn use goes down.
- Find some exciting activities. Whether it is mountain biking, playing a sport or games, hiking, or any other activity, having some level of adventure in your life will help your body release dopamine, plus it cuts down on boredom, which is a trigger for many people.
- Spend a minimum of 15-20 mins outdoors each day. This helps your serotonin levels, which boosts your overall mood (and your ability to sleep), and reduces the pull to look at porn or give into an addiction.
If you want more information on practical and healthy ways to increase these hormones, please reference the following links:
A fair warning—these articles are not written from a Christian worldview and therefore take a secular view of sexuality. Please note that we believe God’s heart and intent is that sex should only be engaged in between a husband and wife within the covenant of marriage. Even with that in mind, even if you are single or don’t have a spouse, we believe you will find the rest of the information in these articles helpful, which is why we are providing them to you. Reading through them will give you many more ideas of healthy habits you can add to your life which will increase your levels of “happiness hormones” in healthy, God-honoring ways rather than doing do through continued use of pornography, which is unhealthy and destructive.
Each time you refrain from unhealthy ways of getting your needs met and opt for healthy ways instead, you take one step closer to becoming a person who doesn’t need porn—or whatever other unhealthy habit you have come to rely on.
Day 9 Freedom Work
Scripture Reading — Read 1 Corinthians 6 several times slowly, taking notes of what Paul instructs about your body and your sexuality
Journaling Exercises — Answer the following questions at length in your journal. Aim to write for about 5-7 minutes per question:
- What are some very practical ways you can respond to what your body needs in a given moment, rather than resorting to your addiction? How would having an awareness of what is driving your addiction—which is not actually sex—cause you to think about it differently?
- In addition to prayer, leaning into God’s Spirit, and His Word, what healthy habits could you effectively “put on speed dial” that you could resort to during a moment of temptation? How might this help you to not only flee sexual immorality, but also to flee toward something God has provided as a healthy alternative?
Prayer Holy Spirit, I recognize that you have made me with a spirit, soul, and body—and that I have needs on all of these levels that are not wrong. Help me, in moments of temptation, to understand what is really going on—and to find healthy ways to get my needs met. May I learn to rest in your love rather than pursuing the false love that porn offers. May my mind be renewed to see everyone as a whole person—spirit, soul, and body—so that I will not lust after them but honor them as one made in your image. And may you also help me to be more in touch with the physical needs of my body—a body you say is fearfully and wonderfully made—and to find healthy ways of getting my physical needs met that honor you and others. Amen.
Up until this point, we’ve talked a lot about the spiritual aspects of getting free. Today, let’s dive into the processes, both in our minds and in our bodies, that drive addiction. All addictions follow the same cycle—and the struggle with porn is no exception. That cycle is summarized below.
The Addictive Cycle
- Trigger → Response → Reward → Repeat
Trigger →
- An event happens that triggers a negative feeling you wish to avoid (i.e. pain, rejection, boredom, loneliness, feelings of shame, lack of control, hopelessness, sadness, stress, disappointment, etc)
- An event happens that triggers a positive feeling in your past you wish to repeat (i.e. past excitement, arousal, climax, etc).
Response →
- A behavior is chosen in an attempt to either 1) avoid negative feelings, 2) experience positive feelings, or 3) usually a combination of the first two.
Reward →
- The chosen response to the trigger temporarily accomplishes the desired outcome, and a pathway is created and/or reinforced in the brain with every repetition of this cycle.
Repeat →
- Eventually, the shame of giving into temptation triggers more feelings of pain, unworthiness, dirtiness, weakness, and other negative feelings, which usually trigger the cycle to start all over again.
For anyone struggling to change a stubborn behavior, this cycle has played out over and over again. And when it comes to rewards, porn has a big payoff—mainly, arousal, excitement and eventually, an orgasm. This temporarily helps you feel both immense pleasure, a sense of calm, and ultimately, control—while helping you avoid pain. It provides a temporary relief from whatever negative trigger was experienced at the onset of the cycle.
Most people who struggle with porn are unaware of this cycle and how it is wreaking havoc in their lives. It’s time to change that. As you familiarize yourself with how the enemy’s schemes play out in your life, you can begin to fight with a better strategy and begin winning the war.
Day 8 Freedom Work
Scripture Reading — Read Proverbs chapter 3 through 5 slowly, asking the Holy Spirit to speak to you.
Journaling Exercises — Answer the following questions at length in your journal. Aim to write for about 5-7 minutes per question:
- What are the things that trigger you to want to give into temptation? Make a list of as many pain points as you can, and be as specific as possible. Ask the Holy Spirit to reveal these things to you as you write.
- When you experience pain points that trigger temptation, what would it look like to process this pain with God in prayer and with trusted friends, rather than continue down the cycle of addiction? How can you begin addressing your pain points in a healthy way?
Prayer Holy Spirit, thank you that you are known as both my comforter and my counselor. I am often in pain and unsure of how to handle it, and I often have an unhealthy response to it. Help me to learn to run to you in my pain and to rest in your affection for me. Reveal to me places where I am wounded and may not even know it, and bring healing to my wounded heart. Surround me with wise, trusted, and caring friends that can help me process my pain in a healthy way that leads to wholeness rather than bondage. I so often have tried to get out of my pain by any means possible. Thank you that no matter what I am facing, you are the Good Shepherd who leads me through the valley of the shadow of death. Help me to trust you to lead me to the other side. Amen.
Today, we are going to explore a simple truth. If you’ve struggled with porn (or anything else) for any amount of time, you identify with the words of the Apostle Paul in Romans 7:
“I don’t really understand myself, for I want to do what is right, but I don’t do it. Instead, I do what I hate.” (Romans 7:15 NLT)
“I have discovered this principle of life—that when I want to do what is right, I inevitably do what is wrong. I love God’s law with all my heart. But there is another power within me that is at war with my mind. This power makes me a slave to the sin that is still within me.” (Romans 7:21-23 NLT)
At one point or another, we’ve all felt like this. We want deep down to do the right thing, but we also wrestle with powerful desires that can seem to take control of us and pull us in the opposite direction. And while this can make us feel powerless—you are never without choice. Just take a look at the words Paul writes,
“Don’t you realize that you become the slave of whatever you choose to obey? You can be a slave to sin, which leads to death, or you can choose to obey God, which leads to righteous living. Thank God! Once you were slaves of sin, but now you wholeheartedly obey this teaching we have given you. Now you are free from your slavery to sin, and you have become slaves to righteous living.” (Romans 6:16-18 NLT, emphasis added)
However powerless you feel at times, God’s Word says you have a choice. You can choose to obey God. You have to stand on that.
Today’s idea is a simple one. The way you got into your struggle is also the way you get out. Over time we condition ourselves by the things we say yes to and the things we say no to. You got into your struggle by continually saying yes to the wrong thing. The way out is by continually saying yes to the right thing. There is no other way out than consistently making different choices—and you can make different choices. Don’t ever buy into the lie that you are stuck or that you can’t change because of your past or whatever else the enemy throws at you.
Whatever it is that you face, you can overcome it.
“The temptations in your life are no different from what others experience. And God is faithful. He will not allow the temptation to be more than you can stand. When you are tempted, he will show you a way out so that you can endure.” (1 Corinthians 10:13 NLT)
You have a choice. The way into the life Jesus offers you is to begin using that choice differently.
Day 7 Freedom Work
Scripture Reading — Read Romans 6-7 and 1 Corinthians 10
Journaling Exercises — Answer the following questions at length in your journal. Aim to write for about 5-7 minutes per question:
- Do you feel like you don’t have a choice when it comes to temptation or do you feel that giving in is inevitable? Does this agree with what you see in God’s Word?
- Do you take full responsibility for your choices, or do you shift the blame for your actions to something outside of your control? What would it look like to fully own your choices, good and bad?
Prayer — Father, I do not want to agree with any lies of the enemy that I am powerless and must therefore eventually fall. Thank you that whatever temptation I face, I always have a choice, and I can use that choice to obey you. Expose any lies I’ve believed that I am stuck and cannot get out. I see that your Word says that I have a choice to obey you, and I choose to stand on that over anything I feel to the contrary. I know what it is to be a slave to sin. I’ve tasted the death that sin leads to. I want the life you offer instead. By your Spirit, help me to know what it is to be a slave of righteousness and lead me into life.
Today, let’s focus on a critical aspect of getting free and staying free from pornography—winning the war in your mind.
If you have been born again, it means your old self was crucified with Christ, along with its sinful passions, and you’ve now been raised to life in Him. God has placed His Spirit in you and given you His nature.
Knowing this truth, the natural question that follows is this: if that is true, then why do I still sin? One of the reasons is because your mind needs to be renewed. When your mind is renewed, you’ll no longer think as the world does—according to the flesh.
The battle over porn is won on the battlefield of the mind. Paul wrote,
“And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God” (Romans 12:2 NKJV)
So how do we renew our minds? By filling ourselves with the truth of God’s Word. Paul instructed,
“We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ” (2 Corinthians 10:5 NIV)
Whenever you have a thought that is contrary to God’s Word, you have to replace it with truth. That means you must first know the truth by spending time getting to know God through His Word. Remember when Jesus was tempted in the wilderness? He countered every temptation the enemy threw at Him with Scripture.
If you want to win the war in your head and walk in victory, then you must begin doing the same. In another passage, Paul tells us that we must take up “the Sword of the Spirit, which is the Word of God” (Ephesians 6:17 ESV).
If you want to win the war, it’s time to pick up your weapon and start fighting back. Remember how freedom isn’t only about emptying the house, but filling it? A big part of breaking the lies that have held you captive is simply to fill your life with the Word of God. As you get God’s Word in you and begin to combat the lies of the enemy, the lies will lose their power over you. That will play a big role in you stepping into a life of freedom and ultimately, the mission He has for you.
Day 6 Freedom Exercises
Scripture Reading — Read 2 Corinthians 10 and Ephesians 6. Take notes on how the battle is won.
Journaling Exercises — Answer the following questions at length in your journal. Aim to write for about 5-7 minutes per question:
- Ask the Holy Spirit to reveal to you 4–5 lies you’ve believed that are keeping you stuck. Write a bit about each one, being completely honest.
- For each lie you’ve identified, ask God what He has to say about it. Try to find a scripture that speaks to what is true.
Prayer — Holy Spirit, you are the Spirit of Truth. I ask you to reveal to me the areas in my mind where I have made agreements with the lies. Expose them and bring them into the light. Lead me into truth, and help me to be aware of moments where my thoughts are going astray, so I can take them captive. Help me to get your Word deep into my heart, and bring it to mind in moments of temptation, so that I can effectively combat the lies of the enemy. Show me how to use the sword of the Spirit to fight back against the enemy
A number of years ago, I (John) had a friend who was addicted to smoking cigarettes. Despite knowing how bad the habit was for him, he would still find himself smoking four packs a day. For years, he prayed and asked God to set him free from it, but nothing changed.
Then, one day, he saw a friend in his church get instantly delivered from the same problem.
My friend was so frustrated.
Angry, he went to God and exclaimed, “I’ve been crying out to You for two years! Why haven’t You delivered me?!”
God spoke to him and said, “Because you still like it.”
He was stunned, overcome by the revelation that God couldn’t deliver him from something he still liked and desired. That’s because God will never override our free will. He repented, asking God to help him to stop desiring the very thing that kept him in bondage, and was instantly delivered. This man went from smoking four packs of cigarettes a day to none—and he’s been free till this day.
Paul exhorts us, “Let love be without hypocrisy. Abhor what is evil. Cling to what is good” (Romans 12:9 NKJV).
If you want to get free, you can’t be double-minded. You must passionately hate the sin you want to be free from. It was only when my heart began to break over how my struggle with porn was breaking God’s heart that I began walking in freedom. When I started to see my sin the way God sees it—for the destructive, damaging, detestable thing that it was—I hated it through and through.
Pray that God would help you see your sin for what it is. Ask Him to help you hate it. When there is no part of you that still loves your sin, you’ll find it so much easier to let go of.
Day 5 Freedom Work
Scripture Reading — Read Romans 12, taking time to sit and really meditate on verse 9. Read James chapter 1 as well, noting how it applies to getting free.
Journaling Exercises — Answer the following questions at length in your journal. Aim to write for about 5-7 minutes per question:
- Take an honest assessment of yourself. Have you truly hated your sin through and through, or is there a part of you that still loves it?
- If you fully hated sin, and not just the negative effects it produces, what would that look like in your life? How would fully hating porn rather than having a love-hate relationship with it contribute to you getting free?
Prayer: Father, I repent of loving my sin. I have hated it in some ways, but in other ways, I have looked to it to meet my needs, and have struggled to fully hate it as you do. I recognize that you are not going to take control of me and force me to lay something down that I am still holding onto. Search my heart and show me the ways I have not fully hated my sin. By your Spirit, renew my mind so that I can fully hate that which kills, steals, and destroys. Give me eyes to see as you do—and may I not call anything good in any way that you have called evil. I want to be singular in my love for you and my hatred for evil. Help me to live with an undivided heart. Amen.
If your experience was anything like mine, you were exposed to porn at a young age. I was twelve when a friend showed me a magazine, and it grabbed hold of me.
When I got saved, some struggles left immediately. I stopped living like a frat kid, going to parties and drinking excessively. I was instantly freed from cussing. But my struggle with porn proved far more stubborn, even extending into the first couple years of my marriage. It seemed that no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t break free.
Then, I went on a four-day fast, and I was completely delivered.
Puzzled, I asked God why, for so long, it seemed I couldn’t break free no matter what I tried—but then one day, the bondage finally broke. What He showed me was that, before getting free, I was sorrowful over my sin, but it was the wrong kind of sorrow.
Paul tells us,
“For godly sorrow produces repentance leading to salvation, not to be regretted; but the sorrow of the world produces death.” (2 Corinthians 7:10 ESV)
When I couldn’t get free, I was afraid of the consequences that continuing to struggle could have in my life. I didn’t want it to ruin my ministry or my marriage.
Leading up to the time when I got free, everything changed, I began to be grieved that my sin was hurting the hearts of those I loved. This was godly sorrow—a sorrow motivated not by fear of personal loss, but by love for God and others. And it produced a deep, true repentance in my heart.
If you are struggling to get free, the first question you need to ask yourself is: “Who is the focus of my sorrow?” Do you have worldly sorrow, fearing the personal consequences of your sin? Or do you have godly sorrow, driven by genuine love?
The first kind of sorrow will keep you bound. The latter will lead you toward freedom.
Today, I want you to pray that God would produce godly sorrow in you. Ask to know Him more intimately, and that you would be genuinely grieved over any sin that would get in the way of that intimacy. When you get your motivation right, it makes all the difference.
—John Bevere
Day 4 Freedom Work
Scripture Reading — Read 2 Corinthians 7, carefully and thoughtfully, making notes of the differences between worldly sorrow and godly sorrow
Journaling Exercises — Answer the following questions at length in your journal. Aim to write for about 5-7 minutes per question:
- What has been your motivation to get free up until this point? Ask the Holy Spirit to search your heart and reveal this to you. The more thorough you can be, the better.
- Be completely honest with yourself—has your motivation to get free come primarily from fear of personal consequences or from being genuinely grieved that you are hurting God’s heart and the people around you? Who has been the focus of your sorrow—God and others, or yourself?
- What would it look like to have a genuine godly sorrow over your struggles with sin/porn?
Prayer: Father, I don’t want to be motivated by fear, or any other reason except my love for you and a genuine love for people. Help me to experience a godly sorrow rather than a sorrow based on fear of personal loss. I recognize that my sin in this area has first and foremost grieved your heart, and I want to feel that deeply. Help me to feel the pain my sin has caused you and the people around me in my life—and then help me to repent and turn from it. I want to see my sin for what it is and be truly cut to the heart so I can fully and deeply repent. Thank you that even in the midst of my brokenness, you do not shame me, but you receive me as your child, forgiving me and lavishing your love out on me. Amen.
Today, let’s begin with a question that may seem simple—what exactly is freedom?
If you’ve struggled with any form of bondage for any length of time, it’s easy to think of freedom in the following manner:
“I’ll be free when I no longer struggle with (fill in the blank) and it is no longer a part of my life.”
We naturally define freedom as the absence of whatever it is that we tend to struggle with—but this is not the way the Bible defines freedom. Paul says it this way,
“Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.” (2 Corinthians 3:17 ESV)
Paul is putting forward an idea here that is revolutionary to the way most of us think. Freedom is not the absence of something, but the presence of someone—the very Spirit of God.
It is critical we understand this. If we define freedom as getting something out of our lives, we will put all of our efforts toward that end. But if we shift the way we look at freedom—if we realize it is the fruit of living a life that flows from the very presence of God, we will put our efforts toward something different. We will not focus on getting something out of our lives as much as living from a place of connectedness to God’s presence.
In Matthew’s gospel, Jesus gives us an example that provides further insight:
“When the unclean spirit has gone out of a person, it passes through waterless places seeking rest, but finds none. Then it says, ‘I will return to my house from which I came.’ And when it comes, it finds the house empty, swept, and put in order. Then it goes and brings with it seven other spirits more evil than itself, and they enter and dwell there, and the last state of that person is worse than the first.” (Matthew 12:43–45, ESV)
In other words, it’s not enough to empty the house. You have to fill it. Freedom is not the fruit of merely emptying yourself of something bad, but the fruit of being full of the Spirit of God, and living a life that flows from union with Him.
Freedom is as much about what you are putting into your life as it is about what you are getting out. It’s not just about what you are saying no to. It’s about finding a better yes—and that better yes is a life that is filled with the presence of God.
Day 3 Freedom Work
Scripture Reading — Read 2 Corinthians 3 and Matthew 12, taking notes on what leads to freedom and transformation, and what leads to continued bondage.
Journaling Exercises — Answer the following questions at length in your journal. Aim to write for about 5-7 minutes per question:
- Is your vision of freedom more about getting something out of your life or about filling your life with the presence of God? Think about the actions you think you need to take to get free—what do they reveal about your current mindset on freedom?
- How would shifting the way you think about freedom change how you pursue it?
- What are some very practical ways you can orient your life around the presence of God? We know that God is omnipresent—that He is everywhere—but how can you structure your life and habits so that you live connected to the reality of His presence and nearness?
Prayer: Father, I recognize that it’s not enough to just empty my house. I want it to be filled with your presence. Show me what it looks like to live in union with you and for my life to flow from that place. Open up my heart to understand this mystery and to live with an awareness of your goodness, your love, and your Spirit’s leading in my life.
Strap yourselves in for today’s freedom reading. We are going to do some deep digging and expose the root of addiction to porn (and any other stubborn sinful behavior). But to get there, we have to go back in time. Way back. All the way back to the beginning of everything.
(At this point, please pause and take some time to read Genesis chapters 1 through 3, as this will prepare you for the rest of today’s reading.)
If you’ve been a Christian for any length of time, you are no doubt familiar with these passages of Scripture. But as best as you can, let’s try to look at this story with fresh eyes. Let’s hit a few of the cliff-notes.
In chapter 1, God creates everything, and it’s good. Then God creates mankind, blesses them, and for the first time says over His creation that it is very good. Pay attention to how many times the word “good” shows up in chapter one. What God creates is good. He is the author and creator of everything good. There’s more to chapter one than that, but if you are looking for a top level summary, that hits some of the main points.
Then in chapter 2, we uncover a more personal telling of the creation story. This time, God creates a man, Adam, and places him in a garden, Eden. God then gives him a command. Verse 15 reads,
“And the LORD God commanded the man, saying, “You may surely eat of every tree of the garden, but of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil you shall not eat, for in the day that you eat of it, you shall surely die.” (ESV)
Again, note the reason for God’s command—He knows that eating of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil will lead Adam to death, and he does not want that for Adam.
God then goes on to say that it is not good for Adam to be alone. He then gives him a job—to name the animals—but as he does so, no suitable helper for him is found. Then God causes him to go into a deep sleep, and fashions the woman (who we will refer to as Eve, the name given to her by Adam at the end of chapter 3), and brings Adam and Eve together. Note that the final creation is not man or woman, but marriage. The culmination of God’s creation is when he brings the man and the woman together to be one.
Now let’s skip ahead a little to the beginning of chapter 3. Enter the serpent. He comes into the story saying,
“Did God actually say, ‘You shall not eat of any tree in the garden?’” (v2, ESV)
The story continues,
“And the woman said to the serpent, “We may eat of the fruit of the trees in the garden, but God said, ‘You shall not eat of the fruit of the tree that is in the midst of the garden, neither shall you touch it, let you die.” But the serpent said to the woman, “You will not surely die. For God knows that when you eat of it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.” (v2—5, ESV)
Let’s pause for a minute and take note of a few things going on here, because, as you will see, each one of us can find ourselves in this story.
…In order to get us to go against God, the enemy must first get us to doubt the goodness of God, and must get us to look outside of what God, the creator of all that is good, has given us for our enjoyment and sustenance. God, who is good, had richly blessed them with the ability to eat from a myriad of trees—with only one restriction. But the enemy, seeking to pervert the way they saw God, got them to take their eyes off of everything God had given them to the one thing he hadn’t, planting a seed of doubt that God was truly good.
It’s only after this seed of doubt entered into Eve’s mind—that God was withholding from them and that perhaps He could not be fully trusted—that we read this:
“…when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was a delight to the eyes, and that the tree was to be desired to make one wise, she took of its fruit and ate, and she also gave some to her husband who was with her, and he ate. Then the eyes of both were opened, and they knew that they were naked.” (v6–7, ESV)
So what happened here? If we can get some insight into what led Adam and Eve to fall into the enemy’s trap, we will gain insight into why we fall into temptation.
At the end of the day, it all comes down to this, so if you get nothing else out of this lesson, make sure you take this idea to heart.
Adam and Eve fell into the enemy’s trap and sinned when they doubted that God was good and could be trusted.
What began as unbelief in God’s goodness eventually led them to act out their unbelief by taking the forbidden fruit. They bought into the lie that there was goodness to be found outside of what God had given them, and it cost them dearly.
Here is a truth you can take to the bank—the areas of your life where you struggle with sin are the areas where you do not fully believe He is good. Wherever we don’t believe God is good, we will not be able to trust Him, and we will inevitably get stuck and fall into bondage. When we get a revelation that God is love and that He and that His heart toward us is always good, we begin a beautiful journey of repentance. The way we see things is fundamentally transformed by His love and goodness toward us—and we are set free to live differently.
We were created for goodness. When we doubt God’s goodness, we will go looking for it elsewhere. The fruit of this is death. How does this apply to our sexuality? It’s simple, really. When we don’t trust that God’s heart toward us is good, and that only His ways will lead us to life, we start pursuing goodness in things like lust, porn, and other forms of unhealthy, broken pursuits. But as you are well aware, this does not lead us to the life we desire, but rather to death. It cripples relationships, causes division, dehumanizes us and others, degrades the imago Dei, the image of God in us, leading to pain, shame, and brokenness.
Thankfully, God has so much more in store for us than to leave us in our sin. As you stay the course and lean into His love, He will lead you back to life.
Day 2 Freedom Work
Scripture Reading — Read Genesis 1-3 slowly and carefully.
Journaling Exercises — Answer the following questions at length in your journal. Aim to write for about 5-7 minutes per question:
- Adam and Eve fell when they doubted the goodness of God and pursued goodness elsewhere. Where do you struggle to see God as good? Do you feel like you can fully trust him? Do you feel like He is withholding from you? Get gut level honest here. It’s not about getting the “church” answer. It’s about getting a clear window into the root of your struggle.
- What lies does the enemy have to get you to believe about God before you give into temptation?
- How does doubting the goodness of God tie into your sexual struggles with porn and lustful fantasy? What would your life look like if you truly believed God’s heart for you was good and that He could be fully trusted to lead you to life in this specific area?
Prayer: Father, I thank you that though I often struggle to see it, you love me and your heart towards me is good. Help me to see the areas where I struggle to trust you. Expose any lies I have given place to and bring light to the things I cannot see. Help me to trust that you are good to me all the time, and that I can only experience true life if I follow your lead. Show me the specific areas that I struggle to see you as good—and break the lies I have believed about you that have held me captive. I have tasted death, and I have seen the broken promises of the enemy time and again in my life. I want more. I want the life you offer. Amen.
Do you remember learning how to ride a bike? In the beginning, you likely had training wheels which helped keep you from falling. This was helpful for a season, but eventually, the day comes when you inevitably have to take off the training wheels and progress to the next stage. Here, you have to find your balance, learn how to pedal to create momentum, and how to make the necessary adjustments to keep yourself from falling.
Not falling is a big deal when you are learning to ride a bike. It consumes you. Inevitably, you fall a few times, skin your knees, and get some gravel in your hands. Naturally, you begin to do whatever it takes to avoid repeating that painful experience in the future.
For the first season of learning to ride a bike, not falling takes a huge amount of focus. Then, as you progress, it becomes less of a concern. Eventually, there comes a time when you barely have to think about falling at all.
And here’s the thing—are you ready for it? Getting free from porn and stubborn struggles in our lives feels a lot like learning to ride a bike.
In the beginning, it feels like most of your conscious energy is put toward the goal of not falling. To this end, you take steps to protect yourself. You have some “training wheels” in place, along with some other mechanisms of protection. But over time, as you find your balance and rhythm, the journey becomes less and less about not falling, and more about just riding. You begin to enjoy going places you couldn’t before. You feel the fresh wind in your face and the exhilaration of racing over the pavement on a summer day. You make memories riding together with friends, laughing, racing, and having fun together. It’s liberating.
Said another way, you begin to feel alive.
Whatever your reason for getting free—that’s really the point, isn’t it? You want to feel alive. And if you feel like that’s not a very spiritual reason, you don’t have to worry. Look no further than the words of Jesus himself:
“The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full..” —John 10:10 NIV, emphasis added
If you ask the average church-going Christian why Jesus came, you’ll probably get an answer like, “Jesus came to die on the cross for our sins” or “He came to save the world.” Answers like that might answer the what—but they fail to address the why. Jesus’s birth, life, death, and resurrection had a mission behind it—and that mission is this. He wanted to bring us back to life and lead us into the life God has for us.
Why doesn’t God want you to look at porn? Is it because He needs you to follow rules for Him to be happy—or is it because he knows where looking at porn will take you, and he is grieved when you walk away from the life He created you for and into death?
Read this next statement very carefully. Write it down. Recite it. Memorize it. Do whatever you need to do to get it deep within you.
Jesus doesn’t want me to look at porn because He knows it leads to death, and His heart for me is that I would be fully alive.
That’s what this journey is all about. This is about nothing less than getting your life back.
And if we want life—if we want the life to the full that Jesus talks about—we have to go after it His way. What is His way? That’s what we are going to be diving into in the remainder of the next 30 days. See you tomorrow in day 2 of this journey.
Day 1 Freedom Work
Scripture Reading — Read John chapter 10 several times slowly.
Journaling Exercises — Answer the following questions at length in your journal. Aim to write for about 5-7 minutes per question:
- What has been the fruit of porn in your life? What has been its effect on your relationships? Your view of yourself? Your view of others? Has porn led you to the life you want? Where has it led you—to death or life? In what ways?
- What is the life you want? Where could you be in three months, a year, and five years if you stopped struggling with porn? Be very specific here. In this future without porn, what does your family look like? How do you feel personally? If you are married, what does your marriage look like? Is this something you really want, or are you OK with the way things are? If it is something you really want, what is keeping you from stepping into a life without porn?
Prayer — Jesus, I thank you that you have come that I may have life, and have it to the full. Help me to trust you here, and to let go of things that have led me to death. I want life—true life—the life you offer, and I recognize that to get there, I need your leading in my life. You are the good shepherd. Help me to trust that you are leading me to life even when I do not understand what you are doing or asking of me. I repent of my broken attempts to find life outside of you. Help me to make you my very life.
